Patrick: Welcome to Bleacher Bums. I’m Patrick.

Derrik: And I’m Derrik.

Patrick: A hot point of contention amongst Red Sox fans lately is What do we do with Rafael Devers? He’s clearly a rare type of player, the best batsman on the team right now, and even has the potential to be the next Big Papi. But he’s entering his final contracted year and negotiations are anywhere from far apart to galaxies apart. Even Red Sox fans that love him can’t decide on what contract to give him. So, Derrik, what are we going to do here today?

Derrik: Today is the day to discuss the possibility of trading Rafael Devers, while figuring out what the Red Sox expect to receive in a trade.

Patrick: So who am I and who are you?

Derrik: I will be playing the role of Chaim Bloom, not only trying to get the trade across the line, but also trying to give reason to Red Sox fans on why the Sox would be interested in what they are receiving. Pat will be the opposing team’s General Managers/Heads of Baseball Operations. Pat will have to agree to or counter my trade proposals. Obviously he won’t have to do too much convincing since he would hypothetically be acquiring Rafael Devers.

Patrick: Alright Derrik, I’m Andrew Friedman, President of Baseball Operations of the Los Angeles Dodgers. You’ve caught me in the middle of taking my kids to Disneyland, so this better be good. 

Derrik: I would like to start off with offering Rafael Devers to you to be the Dodgers third baseman in 2023. However, I would like to be able to replace him with an MLB ready prospect as the main piece. Since Gavin Lux is most likely off the board, my official trade proposal is Rafael Devers for 3B Miguel Vargas (MLB.com #3 Dodgers prospect), RHP Ryan Pepiot (#6), and OF James Outman (#13).

Patrick: I’m about to hop on the Matterhorn, let me call you back. *Calls back two days later* Alright, I see what you’re doing here. Once again, you’re calling me to bail you out of trouble when you can’t pay a homegrown superstar. Thanks for being the AAAA team of the Los Angeles Dodgers. I want a little more than just Devers, because you’re straddling me with having to pay him. How about Nick Pivetta? He’s cheap enough, and clearly Dave Bush doesn’t know what to do with him. 

Derrik: I would like to not give up Nick Pivetta, but I am willing to throw in a little position player help. If we acquire Vargas and Outman along with Pepiot, we are willing to throw in Christian Arroyo into the deal instead of Nick Pivetta, as you now will have an open roster spot for Arroyo as a good bench player that can step in the lineup when needed.

Patrick: Another guy you’re wasting away, so I’ll do us both a favor and make him an All-Star. Deal done – thank me later, you’ve got something special in those prospects. You called the right guy, we have some to spare. 

Derrik’s press conference: Today the Boston Red Sox have acquired Miguel Vargas, Ryan Pepiot, and James Outman for Rafael Devers and Christian Arroyo. We are very excited about the guys we are bringing in, as we believe all three can play a role on the 2023 team, on top of being big parts of our future. We would like to thank Rafael Devers and Christian Arroyo for their contributions to the Red Sox organization and wish them luck in Los Angeles.

Patrick: Billy Eppler here, GM of the New York Mets. I know you’re calling about Devers, and I’ll tell you right now that we better not give up too much because we’ll just buy him up next offseason regardless. 

Derrik: To start off with a Devers deal, we feel the need to bring in a right handed bat who is big league ready as the main piece. We would like to acquire 3B Brett Baty (MLB.com #2 Mets prospect), as well as RHP Blade Tidwell (#8). We also would be interested in bringing Eduardo Escobar into the deal as well, and we are fine paying the entire amount remaining on Escobar’s contract. The only caveat is that we would like you to pick up the $500,000 buyout if we choose to opt out of his deal at the end of the 2023 season.

Patrick: Too much, my friend. Uncle Steve has already told me to give him a blank check next Winter Meetings, but I wouldn’t mind having him a year earlier. I’ll give you Baty since I won’t need him. I’ll throw in Tidwell too, but that’s it.

Derrik: So Rafael Devers for Brett Baty and Blade Tidwell? The Boston Red Sox are happy to accept your offer and we’ll see you out on the field this year.

Patrick: Happy to make a deal.

Derrik’s press conference: The Boston Red Sox have traded Rafael Devers to the New York Mets in exchange for Brett Baty and Blade Tidwell. We believe that Baty is a star in the making, and that he can compete for the third base job in spring training. With Tidwell, we are getting a pitcher who we liked a lot during draft scouting last year, and we are glad to be able to bring him into our organization as a pitcher with a bright future. Finally, we would like to thank Rafael Devers for all he has done in a Red Sox uniform, including being part of a World Series championship in 2018. We wish him luck in the Big Apple.

Patrick: Your old pal Dave Dombrowski here, General Manager of the Philadelphia Phillies. How’s my old job? Boy, do I not miss it! They let me do whatever I want here with absolutely no repercussions whatsoever!

Derrik: Hey! That sounds fun. I think that we have something that might interest you. Does Rafael Devers sound like someone you’d like to acquire?

Patrick: He’s one of my favorites, I wish I could’ve brought him with me. I would obviously be happy to take him off your hands and then offer him a ridiculous deal that my successor will have to deal with in 12 years.

Derrik: Let’s start with Alec Bohm. If you acquire Devers, you don’t have a fit for Bohm to get everyday playing time. And with Harper having to DH he can’t be put there either. I would also like to acquire 2B Hao Yu Lee (MLB.com #6 Phillies prospect), as well as LHP Erik Miller (#7). Then to top it off, I would like to receive $1 million in international bonus pool money.

Patrick: Hot and heavy! Take me out to dinner first! Considering the fact that prospects mean nothing to me, you can have both minor leaguers. One day they’ll get mad at me for recklessly spending money, but that’s when I’ll go be the GM of the Rangers. I’ll do it, no questions asked – that’s how I like to do deals. 

Derrik: Quick, fast, and doesn’t take long. Just like your sex life, Dave. Have fun.

Patrick: My what?

Derrik’s press conference: The Boston Red Sox would like to announce that they have acquired 3B Alec Bohm, 2B Hao Yu Lee, LHP Erik Miller, and $1 million in international bonus pool money for Rafael Devers. We are excited to add Alec Bohm to our lineup, as he can bring us some right handed pop to balance out the amount of lefties we have in our lineup. We also would like to welcome Hao Yu Lee and Erik Miller to the Red Sox family. We really like the hit tool Lee showed off last year in A-ball. Miller has a solid three-pitch mix that we believe could translate to a solid lefty reliever after seeing how well he pitched in the high minors. We would like to thank Rafael Devers for his time spent in a Red Sox uniform and wish him the best in Philly.

Patrick: Jed Hoyer, President of Baseball Operations of the Chicago Cubs, speaking. Always good to hear from my ole stomping grounds. I’ve had a couple Old Styles, so you might be able to squeeze a good deal outta me. 

Derrik: We have been watching from afar and want to congratulate you on bringing in Dansby Swanson, among other pieces, and we figured you would be a perfect team to make the leap into contention for 2023. However, you are missing a big piece that we can give to you. Rafael Devers would fit really well at third base in Chicago. However, we will only start talks with Christopher Morel being the centerpiece of our trade return.

Patrick: What could you want with Morel? Don’t you like Kikè Hernandez in center? 

Derrik: We really like Morel’s versatility to be able to play second, third, and the outfield. However, you currently have second and center blocked with Hoerner and Bellinger, and Devers would clog up third. To go with Morel, we would like to also receive 3B James Triantos (MLB.com #11 Cubs prospect) as well as RHP Luis Devers (#26).

Patrick: Our rotation is a little older than I would like (something you’d know a little something about, I think), so I’m trying to hold on to pitching prospects we can see in the rotation. I’ll keep Luis Devers, also because I can’t hear any “Devers for Devers” jokes. You can have Triantos and Morel, but that’s it. 

Derrik: I would still like a little bit more than just Triantos and Morel. Would SS Luis Verdugo work?

Patrick: I’m afraid I’ll have to say no. We’re high on Morel and obviously like his versatility as well. I can’t throw in anything else. 

Derrik: Maybe you don’t want to give up anything else, but here’s an idea. How about Luis Verdugo as a conditional player to be named later (PTBNL). You only have to give us Verdugo if you sign Devers to an extension. If not, then it’s just Morel and Triantos.

Patrick: Pay my bar tab for these Old Styles and you’ve got yourself a deal. 

Derrik: Alright, deal. Devers for Morel, Triantos, and a conditional PTBNL.

Patrick: And my bar tab – it’s only like thirty bucks. I just forgot my wallet at home.

Derrik’s press conference: The Boston Red Sox have traded Rafael Devers to the Chicago Cubs for UTL Christopher Morel, 3B James Triantos, and a PTBNL. We are excited to bring in someone like Morel who brings excellent versatility to our team with his ability to play multiple positions in the infield and outfield. We are also very excited about bringing in Triantos, as we really like what he brings to our organization at the plate and in the field. We would like to thank Rafael Devers for his time with the Boston Red Sox and we wish him luck in Chicago.

Patrick: Derrik, that was fun! I liked being the team that got to have Raffy forever.

Derrik: You can go ahead and thank me later. I’ve got some team building to do.

Patrick: Until then, I’m Patrick…

Derrik: And I’m Derrik…

Patrick: And we’re a couple of Bleacher Bums.

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