Dear Delusional Red Sox Fan,

You. Yes, you. You’ve been spoiled. Four world titles in the past two decades, more than any other. Just about every GM has won at least one, the same is true of every field manager. 

We have won … a lot. Yet one year in the basement, a last-place finish behind a surging and ever-improving Orioles squad, just a season removed from an ALCS appearance, is enough for everyone to think they could do a better job.

Just sign this person, this person, and this person, trade this minor leaguer and this minor leaguer for this perennial All-Star, cut everyone I don’t like, call up this guy from AA because he had one good year and – voilà! The team wins 120 games and coasts to three consecutive titles.

You’re delusional. And here’s why:

Let’s start with the Xander Bogaerts situation.

If Xander doesn’t stay in Boston, we aren’t making any other splashy moves for a shortstop. If we didn’t give that money to X, you think we will pay Correa, Turner, or Swanson out the ass? No. Marcelo Mayer is still in A ball (no, he’s not playing this year… or next year) and there’s no secret conspiracy to move Trevor Story – a guy whose elbow can’t handle the strain – to shortstop.

It’s Xander … or Andrelton Simmons. 

We are not going to sign Aaron Judge – and we shouldn’t. You shouldn’t want him. He’s a Brobdingnagian that the Yanks, and their fans, have wasted away for years, gradually turning his knees to dust and destroying his psyche in terms of what fandom is. He’s jilted. He’s only played three full seasons out of his seven years in the league. Let the Yankees, or someone else, pay him a ridiculous amount because of his ’22 campaign. Hate to see him play against the Red Sox for two, maybe three years – and then watch as he falls apart. He’ll retire midseason like A-Rod to open up a roster spot for the next Aaron Judge. 

We are not chasing after a top-tier starter. No Rodon, no deGrom, no Verlander. Despite your best judgment, they offered a multi-year deal to Nate Eovaldi, on top of the fact that they already have several rotation options. Pivetta (he’s not going to the bullpen) and Sale (we’re paying him that much, we have every intention of using him) are question marks for you, and maybe they should be. But the Red Sox plan to have them in the rotation. Bello (11 career starts, but for some reason that doesn’t bother you and he’s a #2 starter next year) and Whitlock will start, even though you want Whitlock in the pen. Houck? Paxton? Any of those AAA guys? We’re talking about ten starters. “You can never have too many arms!” you may say, which would be wrong. Sorry, but we aren’t trading for Pablo López just to make a complicated and crowded rotation even more complicated and crowded. 

First base isn’t changing drastically. Casas will hopefully be around forever, Hosmer was picked up for pocket change, despite your wishes for Bobby Dalbec to get some reps next year, and despite my wishes Franchy Cordero will get some as well. Josh Bell? Trey Mancini? Jose Abreu? Dumb, dumb, and dumb. Great guys, great players – but we should have no interest thanks to this logjam we’ve created. 

We are not going to re-sign Christian Vázquez. I loved Váz, I really did. But you don’t need a Váz behind the dish, as much as you’d like one. Tandems like Reese McGuire and Connor Wong are just fine (remember the Sandy Leon/Vázquez split-down-the-middle days?) and that’s all you need at the catcher position. Jason Varitek will coach them up and help them evolve into a solid tandem. We aren’t trading for Sean Murphy, either. 

Speaking of Varitek, no, Tek isn’t going to be the manager. Not anytime soon. Maybe not ever. Alex Cora is good at what he does – he’s only had one sub .500 season, this one, and has made it to the ALCS in two of his four seasons. “But he likes Ryan Brasier!” you say. Well, Ryan Brasier is all he has some days. The bullpen is a serious issue and one that needs to be addressed. I’ll agree with you there – but just because the free agent market is light, don’t start running around thinking we’re gonna trade for Emmanuel Clase. We’re not. 

We aren’t trading for Shohei Ohtani. So stop with with the trade proposals that have the Red Sox giving up their top 15 prospects for him. Who says no, you ask? Everybody with a brain. That’s who says no. 

We aren’t firing Bloom, the guy who has done the exact job he was hired to do. And we aren’t hiring you for the job, so shut up, sit back, enjoy the game, and sip on your $16 beer – something you’re very much allowed to complain about. 

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