Happy Halloween to all who celebrate this spooky holiday. To honor this holiday, things are going to get haunted. Sometimes there is an eerie feelings surrounding the Yankees, almost like something is dragging them down. After a grueling investigation, I’ve discovered that there are indeed ghosts that haunt the halls of Yankee Stadium, and subsequently the Yankee brand, and I will identify them here.
Beware, Yankee fans.
Alex Rodriguez
There are times where former athletes should not be given a commentating career. Once an athlete is in the booth or on the panel, every fan is given a much better view of the athlete’s insufferable personality, with no show-stopping athletic performance to redeem them. Alex Rodriguez is that athlete for me.
The many incidents of his previous career definitely marked the third baseman. Fans have reported hallucinations of a player, presumed to be A-Rod, slapping the ball out of a pitcher’s glove or screaming “I got it!” to distract an opposing third baseman. Fans have also reported feelings of being smooshed in the face by a cold glove and hearing a ghostly voice moaning about never taking steroids or being called “the Cooler.”
After retirement, there is no heroic 2009 season to redeem Rodriguez as a commentator. I try to stay away from A-Rod’s commentating gigs because it is like nails on a chalkboard for me to listen to him condescend and talk like he’s a big shot. Others have labeled his commentary as weird and nonsensical. I too am often left wondering what he’s talking about.
Of course, it’s all assumptions based on past behavior. But the behavior I still see from him today indicates that A-Rod continues to think he’s all that. He always has and always will, and that’s why his ghost is still in Yankee Stadium purgatory.
Roger Clemens
If the ghost of Alex Rodriguez haunts the halls of Yankee Stadium, then Roger Clemens is the demon that terrorizes it. It causes nightmares to think about the mark Clemens left.
He definitely doesn’t need a commentating career for fans to get a taste of his awful personality. I’m sure people were willing to overlook his nightmarish qualities during his playing days due to his stellar pitching performances. But once José Canseco snitched on Clemens’ steroid use, his reputation was in the dumps for good.
Witnesses report baseball-sized bruises on their backs, hearing baseballs whiz past their heads and feeling broken bat-heads fly past them while jogging from home to first. Professional ghost hunters have confirmed the presence of a ghost player wearing 22 haunting the “Legends” section of the stands.
Clemens needs to learn to own up to his mistakes and stop insulting people. Then maybe he’ll stop haunting the Yankees. Unfortunately, he may actually haunt us forever.
Johnny Damon
Now is the time I want to point out the pattern here.
Johnny Damon is the second former Red Sox player to leave a haunting legacy. It’s even more haunting when you hear about his documented loyalty to the Red Sox and being quoted saying he would never go to the Yankees. If I was old enough to understand what was happening at the time, I don’t think I’d want Damon on my team. It’s like your partner saying, “I’m so loyal babe, I would never cheat on you” and then they do exactly what they said they never would.
Similar to A-Rod, my issue with Damon has more to do with his post-career antics than his performance as a player. For even more context, Damon’s post-career antics include displaying gross, drunkenly antics on the reality show, Below Deck Mediterranean.
His antics on the show almost foreshadowed Damon’s eventual arrest. In 2021, Damon was arrested for driving while intoxicated (DWI) and blew almost four times the legal limit. You can watch the arrest video and hear Damon claim he was being targeted for supporting Donald Trump.
No reports yet of Johnny Damon’s ghost terrorizing Yankee Stadium, but I swore I saw him and his wife in St. Pete’s, Florida. Maybe it’s just me who is haunted by Johnny Damon.
The spookiest day of the year will make the powers of the supernatural stronger, so watch out for players of past and present haunting your team. If baseball-sized bruises appear, if you feel chills, or if you hear A-Rod moaning about J-Lo leaving him, then you know you’re being haunted by ghosts of your team’s past. Ghosts will continue to haunt until they’ve settled their issues, so kindly help whichever apparition you come across resolve their issues and come to terms with their mistakes. Some players may remain in purgatory forever. Don’t try to deny having ghosts, because every team has ghosts that haunt them.